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PERSONAL STATS
NAME: "Minky",
a pathetic interpretation of Inspector Closseau's pronunciation of monkey
in the movie "The Pink Panther". When I first met my benefactors 26
years ago, magician Doug Henning and wife Debby, they said: "Oh,
how cute... it's a
miiiinkey" and I've been stuck with it
ever since.
AKA's (all preferable):
"Minkster"
"Monkster" (my evil alter-ego)
"Monk" but that
obnoxious OCD detective ripped me off
RACE: black spider monkey, officially ateles paniscus, but as legend has it, quite possibly a hybrid of fusciceps and brachyteles which would indeed explain my sasquatchian size and abundant hair...
AGE: 26 year old senior citizen (actually senior "curmudgeon"). Humom says it's been like having a 3 year old kid for 26 years, but I'm WAY more sophisticated. Think of me as the quintessential man-child...
LIFE EXPECTANCY: Honestly? Well, as I've said, if the humaniacs had their way I'd be dead meat in some Central or South American jungle by now, getting served up instead of served gourmet meals. As it is, I'm kicking back in captivity and might be lucky enough to get into my 30's (which will definitely be the case if Humom has anything to say about it) before the big kahuna swings me away...
RANGE: born and raised in sunny southern California, but have traveled all across the country more times than I have fingers on one hand. Some distant relatives still survive in the jungles of Central and South America
PROFESSION: first and foremost a magic monkey but did a little acting in music videos and commercials, delivered balloons (AKA: the 'Balloon Baboon") for brief run in late 80's, also educational/PR appearances at schools/benefits in the early 90's. Been basically retired for about 15 years...
PHYSICAL
CHARACTERISTICS: 3' tall
standing, hovering between 38-40 lbs. since entering middle-age (about 10 years
back) when my gut inflated like a
basketball. Before that I was a buff 28 lbs and could very well have been in the NBA,
being all arms and legs with enormous feet (and you know what that
means) and great at tossing balls around
(pardon the expression). Humom always wanted me to wear a jersey but I don't have
the shoulders to hold it up...
HOBBIES/SKILLS: eating, minkadinking (see Monksta Speak), observing, climbing, swinging, grooming, flirting, eating
DIET:
Staples: GRAPES, monkey biscuits (always soaked cuz my teeth are worn down to nubs), whole-grain toast spread generously with Earth Balance
(no trans-fats for me, and I eat the buttered side first and crusts last, thank you
very much), banana, pineapple, apple, baby carrots (marinated for a special treat),
green beans (sometimes cooked with
lemon pepper and spray butter), brocolli (cooked only), kiwi, tangerine or
oranges, tomatoes, celery, green onions, yams (cooked), nuts, some
turkey or chicken now and again...
Seasonal Specialties:
strawberries and whatever other kind of
berries available, loquats, peaches, plums, pomegranates, mangoes, corn...
LIKES: sunbathing, pretty girls (especially blondes); cruising in the car; a bit o' burger/fries from Jack In The Box; swingin' (no... not in the sexual sense); human feet and shoes; hangin' upside down; climbin' trees (loose); being groomed; doing spread-eagle kamikaze's on the bed from the top of the bedroom door (when I was younger, anyway); twirling on my rope as fast as I can; wine (but I've been on the wagon for 3 years now); throwing stuff: teasing the dog(s) and/or cat(s); watchin' TV, especially re-runs of The Nanny and Friends; and last but not least, (though I hate to admit it and YOU MUST SWEAR NEVER, EVER TO REPEAT THIS) shnuggle time with Humom
DISLIKES: my name (including nicknames "Minky-doo", "Minky-doo-dah", "Minky-doodle", "Minka-dinka-doo", well, you get the picture); being ignored; Brussel sprouts (cooked or uncooked, with or without butter, they are NASTY... even the dog won't touch 'em); humaniacs; anything reptilian or remotely resembling reptiles; anything inanimate that looks like it should be alive but isn't, ie: plastic, rubber, wooden or inflatable animals/insects (monkey voodoo to the max); getting sprayed with water; being forced to dance with Humom to the theme songs of The Nanny, Friends and other sitcoms, glasses/hats/new hairdos on humom; kids smaller than me